Playspace Monitor Training: General Philosophy
We have been teaching Playspace (or Dungeon) monitoring for many years, including being on the board of the Dungeon Monitor Association and creating Case Scenarios Dungeon Monitor (DM) Training, the materials for which have been shared with and adopted by playspaces across the US. Contact us for more information about DM training—we are happy to share!
Below is an outline of our basic philosophy regarding this role. Note that different venues will, of course, have different rules and expectations for DMs.
Being a DM is, above all, a customer service role.
DMs are present to help facilitate play and should always be polite and respectful.
Communicate compassionately and respectfully.
Use inclusive language.
Provide constructive solutions and approach interventions with curiosity or by assuming any issues reflect oversights or honest mistakes. Refrain from judgment or an enforcement mindset.
Be very aware of never touching anyone without explicit consent. Even in urgent situations, solicit consent for physical contact.
Be mindful of pronouns. Default not using pronouns (or honorifics like Sir/Ma’am). For example, if talking to a pair about their scene set-up, do not say, “what are you planning to do with him.” Go with “What are you planning to do together?”
DMs are lifeguards, not scene police or kink coaches.
There are three times a DM can interface with folks playing: before, during, or after their scene. If at all possible, before is best!
Provide anticipatory service to folks playing in your space by checking in with them before they start to see if they need anything or have questions, especially if it looks like they’re setting up something elaborate that could potentially cause an issue with the playspace rules (for example, taking out a candle at a venue that doesn’t allow fire/wax play).
For example, if you see someone running a power cord across the space when there’s a plug right behind their cross, help them out before their scene starts!
Act as a facilitator.
Interrupting a scene in progress is serious, the equivalent of a lifeguard having to jump in a pool and save someone. Folks playing are often in a vulnerable headspace and may take even the kindest interruption/correction quite personally. In many cases, scenes never recover from a DM intervention, and players can feel shamed and even traumatized. Interrupting scenes should happen very rarely and never lightly/frivolously.
Sometimes, it's necessary to approach players to gather additional information. Rather than starting with a tone of concern or disapproval, aim to be warm and curious.
No matter the reason for an intervention, maintain polite and concise communication.
Try to offer solutions that enable players to resume their scenes.
Avoid dwelling on mistakes or giving lengthy explanations.
At our events, we want DMs to interrupt scenes only if there is an immediate and clear danger to LIFE, LIMB, or serious damage to venue property. We want DMs to call the event host, manager, lead DM, or producer for other concerns.
We recommend notifying a manager/lead DM as soon as possible if you had to interrupt a scene (because if you had to interrupt, it must have been some pretty serious shit that went down, and someone other than you should know about it).
If you must interrupt a scene, do so in the least intrusive way possible.
In many cases, it is ideal if you can get the attention of whichever player can most readily engage with outside input (often, this is the top) and alert them to any needed modifications without their partner even noticing.
For example, say someone is doing a fisting scene in a sling with no dropcloth, and you note that lube is about to drip all over the hotel carpet. Be the dropcloth fairy! Bring over a dropcloth (or puppy pad or whatever the event provides), subtly get the top’s attention, politely give it to them, and ensure it is set up under their partner.
If a minor issue does not warrant interrupting a scene but still needs to be addressed with the players, consider doing so after their scene and aftercare are complete. However, remember that DMs are not kink coaches, and offering unsolicited feedback that involves non-safety-critical techniques is not in the DM scope.
Most of what you’ll do as a DM involves managing the folks watching play.
Folks observing and not playing often need reminders to respect scenes in progress. Ensure that bystanders do not disrupt scenes with social conversations by getting too close, asking to join in, taking out their cell phones (if cell phones are not allowed in the space), and so on.
Keep an eye out for “creepers.” As a DM, you can be the host/producer’s eyes and ears to catch potential boundary and consent issues. If you note an attendee following other attendees around, touching others without consent, or simply not appearing to know the space's engagement rules, notify the host!
Move around the playspace during your shift, especially along the main bystander pathways, to monitor conversation volume.
Be unobtrusive – move slowly, and give space to scenes.
Being a Dungeon Monitor is complex, with many gray areas (and often not black-and-white answers). Our goal with DM training is to orient you to some more common situations you might encounter and get you to start thinking like a DM so you can apply this knowledge in nuanced real-world situations.
Space-specific details – for whatever space you’re working in, be sure you know:
Where the suspension points are, if applicable, and any restrictions or special conditions on their use. In general, know what is and is not weight-bearing.
Where the electrical outlets are and any restrictions on their use (violet wands draw a lot of power and may not be allowed in some spaces or particular outlets).
Is there an AED and first aid supplies? Where? (Please take CPR/first aid.)
Is there a DM kit provided? What is in it?
Is a radio/walkie-talkie provided? If so, ensure you know how to use it. If not, how will you reach a host/producer?
Ensure you know the organization's rules, code of conduct, and values. Guidelines that vary between events and venues include rules around:
Fire or wax play, including lit candles
Blood play
Barrier protection
Resistance play (for example, some require that resistance play starts from the knees)
Breath control play
Suspension bondage
Additional training we recommend includes:
CPR/first aid
Diversity, equity, and inclusion workshops, anti-racism training
Trauma-informed intervention training
Safety and risk evaluation for bondage
