Pretty Mean Things
Intended to supplement class and not stand-alone material
Approach
Western style, as opposed to shibari-style. This means different techniques, materials, and focuses.
Western style often focuses on function rather than aesthetics, uses weaves instead of frictions, emphasizes expanded shapes rather than contracted shapes, and movement rather than immobilization. It also focuses on emotions like pride rather than emotions like erotic shame.
None of this is the One Twue Way. There are numerous styles of bondage and various ways to learn them. Just as shibari doesn't resonate with me, Western-style won't resonate with some of you.
Encourage everyone to start by tying themselves – why?
Learning about both roles, from both a safety and an empathy perspective
From a pedagogical standpoint, self-tying is a very leveraged use of our time – twice the tying and being tied.
Because Shay loves self-tying!
Consent
This isn’t "“Negotiation and Consent 101.” We won’t go into detail about negotiation and communication, but that’s not because they aren’t important.
To quote my friends at Full Circle Kink, consent is the single most crucial kink skill.
Kink creates unique opportunities for consent-related harm
So kink requires uniquely good consent skills
Safety speed round
Safety resources: twistedwindows.com/bondagesafety
Quick-Cuff
How tight should it be? Depends on intention…
If you’re finding this is too tight – rope goes from thick places to thin places. If you put it in a thick place, it’ll slide to a thin one. Tie the cuff on a thicker part of the limb, then slide it to the desired position.
If you’re finding this is too loose, it can be “ratcheted” tighter prior to the first loop.
Single and double column variations
Application:
Bunny ears
Arms front
Ankles to thighs
Rope manipulation
Knowing basic maneuvers to manage rope efficiently will make you more effective and faster at using it as a tool. So you'll be done with the rope part more quickly and have a hotter time doing it!
It might seem like you’re not Learning a Tie, but these methods will help you execute every single tie you’ll ever learn.
Tying without learning rope handling is like hunt-and-peck typing – you can do it that way, but you’ll always be slow, clumsy, and error-prone until you learn and practice touch-typing.
Even simple tasks are tricky and inelegant when you don’t have the baseline techniques
There are whole-day intensives on rope handling! You can never drill it too much.
Placing rope
Consent note: If you’re with a partner, ensure you have consent to touch these areas.
Start around the waist, use tension to hold the rope, and spiral around one leg
Stay close to your partner
Place the rope and clear it as you go (throw it into the future) – if the rope is tangling around the ankle, it means you are not clearing the rope.
Handoffs
Maintain tension while removing the rope – don’t let it just fall off!
Fisting rope
Pulling the rope with a hand around all of it (actually double-fisting…)
Larks head around the waist, then untie
Make large pulls
Fingering/Hooking rope
Ladder tie
Finishing with half hitch
Spiral ties
Compression
There have been numerous studies on compression, mostly involving items such as weighted blankets for dental offices; however, we do what we can.
This is also called "deep touch pressure," which sources define as firm tactile sensations that provide proprioceptive input...per the research, it can consist of strokings, cuddling, squeezing, compression, or swaddling, and has a calming, organizing effect.
Compression can stimulate the parasympathetic nervous system and cause relaxation, not unlike hugging.
General principles
When you’re tying on the ground, you generally don’t need a bunch of knots and frictions – those will make it more challenging to create and undo (goes back to takeoffs and landings)
This can be free-form and process-oriented.
Practice all your rope handling skills!
“Secure” with a loop under or half hitch
May need a more secure tie-off if using a more slippery rope, simple tension if using rope like jute
There is no one right way to do this! Experiment and see what feels good.
Squirm around, find failure modes, and modify accordingly.
Application: bent leg tie
Start with a single column on the ankle. Consider using a small pillow or a folded hand towel between the ankle and thigh if there is a significant gap.
Be cautious of the joint space behind the knee.
The superficial peroneal nerve, aka superior/common fibular nerve (it has three names, I don’t make the rules), is vulnerable on the pinkie toe side of the knee and the top of the foot
Damage causes “yoga foot drop” – numbness and trouble with dorsiflexion of the foot.
Per JAMA, damage can be caused by: “pressure from sitting with the knees crossed, from kneeling, or from bizarre postures.” The article also noted that weight loss increases risk (very thin humans are generally higher risk for nerve compression)
Patello-femoral syndrome, aka “runner’s knee,” a condition in which the cartilage of the knee is compressed and damaged. This is a cumulative injury.
Application: Face rope
There are infinite variations, including just the face, involving one or both hands, and “stick your fingers in your mouth and tie your hands to your face” patterns.
Special precautions
Consider triggers, claustrophobia, contact with hair, etc
If this doesn’t work for you/your partner, try different patterns on the legs or chest instead.
Psychological effects of distorting the face
Often easiest to have hair pulled up – consider preferences, hair types, etc.
Avoid the neck (the “forbidden column”)
Rope material selection
Be especially considerate of allergies to natural fibers
Jute cannot be washed…
Jaw and dental issues
Drool
Eyeballs
Soft, squishy goo balls containing very critical hardware and doing their best. Treat them like expensive camera lenses, not elevator buttons.
Generally, these ties rely on cooperation – it is difficult and riskier to try to make them inescapable
Putting one or both hands over the face tends to increase comfort and decrease risk.
Body harness
Thoughtful knot placement (one does not need knots at all)
Note that the harness will tighten as you go, so do not start super tight.
Sadistic calf and foot tie
Negotiation! Shins/calves/feet can be a Whole Thing.
If a person has reduced peripheral circulation or neuropathy due to conditions like diabetes, Raynaud's, vascular diseases, etc, I would not do these ties.
We’re in it for a good time, not for a long time – I wouldn’t leave this on for more than 5 minutes.
Tie this with the leg slightly bent, muscle relaxed, and toes loosely pointed (this makes the muscle smaller)
Practice all your rope handling!
Crossing rope on the shin.
Stay at least 2 inches below the knee to minimize risk to the peroneal nerve, which is vulnerable in the knee joint space on the outside of the leg (pinky toe side)
As they say in Alice in Wonderland, you can always have more, but you can’t very well have less – start slow/nice, and modify to meet the moment.
