Class follow-up: Pick Your Path, Suspension transitions
This material accompanies Shay’s Pick Your Path class, and is not intended as stand-alone material.
Getting started
This class focuses on principles and concepts rather than recipes and formulas.
Scene dynamics
Especially when you’re first learning suspension or trying something new, we recommend approaching it as a partnership of equals, labbing together and getting guidance from each other
Self-knowledge is more important than rope knowledge.
If the most basic rope skills are a 1 and the most advanced skill you can execute tandem-skydive-style with an instructor is a 10, you want to play at a 5 or below, lab independently at perhaps a 7, and only go above that with guidance.
Extensive studies show that getting better requires switching between different types of related tasks and practicing variations rather than simply drilling the same thing.
There isn’t one twue way to do, experience, or learn rope.
This class is about being creative and making choices with thoughtful awareness of your many options. Consider higher- and lower-risk choices…and how you want to budget your risk.
Most choices have trade-offs. For example, more supportive harnesses tend to offer less mobility, and harnesses that allow greater mobility tend to be less supportive.
Consider risk compensation, also known as risk homeostasis: This well-studied phenomenon across multiple areas reflects the idea that as we take measures to be safer, we also take more risks. We put on our seat belts, then we speed. We put on a lifting belt, then we lift heavier things. We seem to have an innate “budget” for risk – we can take this concept and make it more explicit.
We’re never going to make things zero risk. But consider where you’re spending your “risk budget” and whether that’s worth it.
Ask questions like: Is the risk intrinsic to whatever it is? Or is it unnecessary? Is it a sexy risk? To quote Topologist, “I want to make sure I put my risk in the places that I'm getting maximum enjoyment in return, and reduce risk in places where it is pointless risk that in no way enhances my play.”
Self-suspension can be a great way to learn both about tying and flying!
Consider intention, style, and compatibility.
If I think we’re doing a connective D/s scene, and you think we’re practicing a new rope harness along with a youtube video, we’re set up for disappointment before we even begin.
My approach is Western style, as opposed to Eastern or Shibari-style. This means different techniques, materials, and focuses.
Western style often focuses on function rather than aesthetics, uses weaves instead of frictions, expanded shapes rather than contracted shapes, focuses on movement rather than immobilization, and emphasizes emotions like pride rather than emotions like erotic shame.
No one style is going to connect with everyone!
Risks
Injury to joints/muscles/soft tissue
Nerve injury (lots and lots more info about this here)
Rope marks
Anecdotally, bondage + alone seems to be the number one cause of BDSM-related death. Do not self-tie alone, or leave a partner alone in bondage.
High-risk body areas to avoid include the neck and the joint spaces (elbows, knees, armpits, groin, wrists, etc)
Nerves and blood vessels are close to the surface and vulnerable at these locations
Fall – potentially caused by:
Rope/upline breaking
Risk mitigation: using rated rope for uplines
Risk mitigation: avoiding tie-offs that have a single point of failure
Rigger error
Risk mitigation: have an experienced mentor/teacher/spotter present, know your skill level and suspend within it, consider the effect of environmental factors (like having an audience or being sexually aroused), stay low to the ground, and use mats
Hardpoint failure
Risk mitigation: assess your hard points, use mats, avoid inversion
Negotiation
A HUGE topic! Questions range from “tell me about your bondage experience level” to “how would you like to feel” to “how are you getting home.”
Especially relevant medical conditions include diabetes, asthma (where is the inhaler, if applicable?), any issues with blood clotting, joint problems, heart conditions, aneurysms, and past nerve damage.
A good question is: “What medications do you take?”
Discuss boundaries, informed consent (including education), safewords or safe signals, health issues, mental health, and so on.
A negotiation that ends in not playing is a successful negotiation! I’ve had negotiations where the person was like, “I only do sensual kinbaku with TK ties,” and I was like, “I only do silly circus rope, and also I don’t do load-bearing rope on my arms,” and so we didn’t play, and that was a grand success.
There is a distinction between consenting to acts and consenting to outcomes.
Bondage is inherently risky, and no one is in a position to guarantee a good outcome. Your process can be good and still have a bad outcome, and your process can be bad and still have a good outcome! That’s not an excuse to be sloppy because, of course, process still matters, but it is a wake-up call regarding consent practices and risk awareness.
To quote Naj, a fantastic Seattle educator: if you only consent for things to go perfectly, that’s not real consent. This doesn’t absolve anyone from the responsibility to mitigate risk and respect limits, but illustrates real-world limits.
Tips for Flyers
Consider warming up (possibly including dynamic stretching)
Pee right before you start!
Don’t not eat and go into a rope scene hungry…but also don’t go in with a full stomach.
Pain is entirely mediated by the brain and is your body’s somewhat paranoid guess about how much danger you are in. Learning to distinguish warning signs of damage from sensations that are intense but not harmful is a crucial skill for being in rope.
This skill takes time to develop and can vary widely between individuals and within the same person across different times and situations.
It takes time to build up a tolerance to the “intense sensations” and emotions that can be associated with bondage – your body learns that you felt all the things, and then survived, and actually that was really fun!
This is similar to how people come to like spicy food (no one is born liking ghost peppers) or riding roller coasters.
Learning to inventory your body – is anything tragic happening? Are you being damaged? Keep track of “good pain” vs “bad pain” and communicate with your tyer or spotter
“It is a defining characteristic of human sensory and motor systems that they habituate with repeated use.” – Adapting to Artificial Gravity at High Rotational Speeds, NASA Astrophysics Data System
Change position (making “micro-adjustments”) to change the pressure points, maintain muscle engagement, and constantly self-check
Ask your doctor if you have any questions or concerns.
Cumulative damage also plays a role in many injuries.
Environment
There is a different risk profile for playing out at an event vs. private play
If in a public kink space, it is often advisable to check in with the Dungeon Monitor (DM), and definitely be sure you’re familiar with any space-specific rules
Consider the effect of factors like having an audience, temperature, hydration status, sound/how loud the space will be (can you hear each other? Do you need a non-verbal safe signal?)
Communication while in rope
Some folks use a color system for verbal check-ins:
Green = I am totally good, I feel like I could easily stay in this exact position for 5 or more minutes without adjustments.
Yellow = This is strenuous for me. If nothing is adjusted, I will be at “red” in a few minutes. (giving an idea of what would make it more sustainable is often helpful.)
Red on X = I need X to stop as soon as possible, and I need you to work on stopping it right now.
Red = Take me down as quickly and safely as possible.
Blue = Mental health or anxiety-related issue
I’m very partial to using the word “mercy” as a yellow.
A “freeze” response when under duress is not uncommon. Consider having an “inaction safeword” – this type of safeword is a “call and response” where if the PIR does not respond (or doesn’t respond as expected) that is a “red” signal.
A common one is for the tier to put their fingers in the flyer’s hand. If the flyer squeezes the tyer’s hand, that is a “green” – if they do not, that is a “red.”
Another example would be if the tier asked for a color (as outlined above) and got no response
Upline attachment
“Always be more than one fuckup away from disaster.” —Topologist
Consider: what would happen if the tier lost control of the upline? Ideally, the answer isn’t “their head/neck would hit the ground and maybe they would die.” With a little bit of planning and thought, it is entirely possible to structure sequences so that critical uplines (the ones keeping the flyers head from hitting the ground) are never being adjusted “on the fly.”
Upline tie-offs:
There are many different and perfectly valid upline techniques.
There is a trade-off between speed and security. Generally, speedier tie-offs (like quick-release techniques) are less secure, and very secure tie-offs take more time to tie and untie.
Are you more concerned with falling or getting stuck?
Other factors include aesthetics, how soon you want to adjust the upline, whether it’s a primary or secondary line, and the risk of rope jams.
Structuring a scene
Take the time to set up your supplies carefully.
One of the first things they train beginning chefs to do is to set up a mise en place, not just jump into creating.
It will ease all the rest of your decisions and cognitive load to have everything set.
Consider: Do you want to start with a harder or easier thing? Why?
Anchoring effect: a cognitive bias that basically answers the question, is this good or bad, with the truth that it depends on what you’re comparing it to.
We rely particularly heavily on the first piece of information we receive. This “anchor” becomes our reference point and influences subsequent arguments, estimates, etc.
Potential scene structures
Gradual increase in intensity to a peak, then brief cool-down
Multiple peaks
Build quickly, maintain intensity in a plateau, then come down
Start intense (when you’re fresh) and then get easier, perhaps with a second peak near the end (this is what I sometimes do for performance)
Consider playing with expansion and contraction, perhaps by alternating between these.
Perception is a relative mechanism. Consider adding 5lbs to a 10lb bag you’re carrying, vs. adding 5lbs to a 70lb bag. All our senses, including vision, temperature reception, smell, and taste all work this way.
Are you adding more suck to a zone that’s already flooded with suck? Maybe not as effective…
Hedonistic adaptation: We often stop noticing things after a while
We enjoy pleasurable experiences more when they are interrupted, and bad experiences suck more when they are interrupted.
We’re all like “this is fine” dog in the burning room.
Coming down
Always have an exit plan. What if the flyer fainted? What would be the fastest and safest/most controlled way to release the flyer in emergency?
“Suspension rescue” classes are a valuable place to practice these skills!
Practice emergency descents with your partner or spotter
Even in a suspension where everything seems to be going perfectly, err on the side of coming down sooner rather than later.
As they say in the circus, always leave ‘em wanting more!
Remember that, as they say in aviation, “takeoffs are optional...landings are mandatory.”
Often, suspensions get worse before they get better – they get more intense as you are coming down, because supports are being removed.
Consider the recency effect and make a plan to end strong
When possible, giving a several minute “warning” that you need to come down soon will be much more valuable than waiting until you need to be down “now”
Consider using the upline to lower all the way to the ground.
Once untied, move limbs slowly and gradually after being held in a restrained position. Body parts that have been bound for a while may have lost some muscle tone, and strong or sudden movements can cause sprains.
Consider aftercare…for both tiers and flyers!
Class tie-along steps
“When forced to work within a strict framework, the imagination is taxed to its utmost and will produce its richest ideas. Given total freedom, the work is likely to sprawl.” – TS Elliot
Class attendees will pre-tie some sort of upper body and lower body harnesses. Ideally, the lower body harness would include a leg ladder, but whatever the tyer and flyer are comfortable with can work!
Pick your Path steps:
Attach the chest
Options: attaching from the front, back, or side? Angle of the hanger? Closed or open hanger? Locked in place or floating? Starting with the flyer standing, kneeling, laying down?
Raise one leg
Options: Single column or quick harness like a futo, calf, or thigh harness? If a column, around the thigh, ankle, foot, or other?
Flyer’s choice
Flyers, give your tyer two options of what to do next, but stay in a partial (keep the 2nd leg on the ground). Self-suspenders, look within yourself :-)
Options: Raise or lower either of the lines that are already attached, add another line somewhere else (waist rope, thigh, ankle, foot, toe, etc), add face rope, bind the lines together, etc.
This is also an empathy-building exercise…coming up with ideas can be difficult!
Raise the hip harness or leg ladder
(If you feel comfortable going into full suspension! If not, choose a different path, maybe lower original leg first)
Options: Where should the hanger be attached? Closer to the knee vs. closer to the hip? Locked in place or floating? Raising the leg in front or behind? How high?
Mean tyer
Within your consent parameters, do something to make the suspension meaner.
Flyers, tell them if it actually did make it meaner?
Options: Raise or lower any of the lines that are already attached, bring two or more lines together (this increases the vector forces and is generally pretty mean), add toe rope, make the shape more asymmetric (asymetrical shapes fuck with your proprioception and are often harder to process), etc.
Rope Hand of God
Shay will have a stack of cards for different body parts (“arm” “leg” “finger” “toe” “waist” etc) and directional notations like “raise” “lower” “twist” “bend” “straighten” “stretch” – we will draw two cards and do as the Gods bid.
Nice tyer
Within your negotiation and consent parameters, do something to make the suspension nicer.
Options: Add another line and/or harness for additional support, lower into an inversion, put a limb down on the ground, and get feedback from your flyer!
Descent
Come down, paying attention to what you’re lowering first, and why.
Consider the recency effect – end strong!
